The only gender inequality that ever impacted on me and left a lasting impression was the fact that, as I wasn’t a woman, I couldn’t make babies, and that caused me to feel deprived.
Being born a male had deprived me of the capacity of creating human life. I resented being deprived of this capacity. The prospect of being a sperm donor for a female to have the ecstasy of experiencing bearing and birthing and feeding and nurturing another human being played on my mind interminably for a very long time, or so it seemed. Why had I been deprived of this joy I wanted to know? Where’s the natural justice? I had to learn to accept that justice isn’t apportioned fairly. Half the human race is deprived of this pleasure simply by being born male.
So, unless and until men can become women and give birth to babies there will never be gender equality.
I was amazingly young when I came to this conclusion. I hadn’t bonded with my mother. I had bonded with her maternal grandfather, because I spent more of my waking hours with him than with her. He had lost his wife 30 years before I was born, so she had died young. But at least she had died fulfilled, I thought to myself, as she had birthed three human lives before dying. I would have happily given up my life for such a privilege too.
Heck, I gave up my life virtually daily to visit her in heaven with him. So, death had no sting for me. Only life did. Living made me feel deprived of that capacity she had for creating life. I was always happier dead than alive. Hence I died over 2,200 times before the age of 15½. Heck, I died over 1000 times by age 3½. So the latter period of my life was the one of the highest intensity of dying regularly, and was specifically for the purpose of visiting her.
I must have picked up this sense of being fulfilled despite dying young, from her. Okay, I know I’m spooky. I don’t need to be told that. I have a serious mental disease that makes me spooky. It is a type of autism, or so I have been told. And I know, from the Oxford English Dictionary ,that autism involves thinking that is divorced both from logic and from reality. So, the fact that what I have just written appears divorced both from logic and from reality is not my fault. It’s the way my brain is wired.
So, perhaps I should not be blogging about Gender Equality, because I maybe haven’t captured what the UN, MIT and Google meant by it when they decided on it as one of their 17 goals for Transforming Our World 2015-2030. Maybe they should have consulted me before plumping on it, by, for example, going public using targeted market research. If they had, I would have said, don’t be ridiculous, you can’t make me have a baby. Your goal of Gender Equality is divorced both from logic and from reality, therefore it is autistic, and unless the UN changes its mind about autism being a serious mental disease, then its goal of Gender Equality is equally a serious mental disease. How’d you like them apples? Shoe on the other foot and all that. Put your own house in order before trying to put the world to rights. If your goal of Gender Equality is not a serious mental disease, then neither is autism, and it shouldn’t be classified as such in your International Diagnostic and Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems.
I have the so called autism spectrum disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome. People like me are notorious in the scientific community for one thing. The theory of mind problem. We think that everybody thinks like us and the same things as us. So, okay, the UN, MIT and Google, were not thinking like me when they chose this goal. But, surely, that doesn’t disqualify me from having an opinion about it.
How many other males feel the self same way as me about the natural and normal physical and mental differences between male and female making us feel like the deprived party? It might be worth the UN, MIT and Google undertaking market research to put a statistical figure on this, because it is right at the heart of the Gender Inequality problems that prevail in the world today.
You can’t make us make babies. So what right do you have to expect us to stop oppressing females because they can and we cant? They are the privileged ones. Not us. All we are trying to do is prove there’s stuff we can do better than them. Like standing on their necks and making them subservient to us. Then we get the potency. We get control. But, even so, nothing we can do is better than this one thing they can do. This is why we are so reluctant to give up the high ground we have accumulated over them. We need self esteem. Heck. Without it we might just as well be dead.
Like it or not, my autism pointed me in the right direction. If you can’t make babies then you might as well be dead, because not being able to make babies is not living. It is merely existing until you are needed to be a sperm donor, and, all hell breaks loose when that happens. You have to shag ’til you drop, and eventually expire, still unfulfilled, because you can’t make babies. So you find something to divert your attention from this overwhelming sense of impotence, because you cant make babies.
Gender Equality? Nope. It’ll never happen. It’s mission impossible. I have coached and counselled suicidal auties and aspies for the past 21+ years. And I’ve come across every different type of Gender Inequality as a cause of somebody’s misery. The most memorable was a case of perfect Gender Equality. A hermaphrodite born with both sets of tackle. Her parents brought her up as a female and she had lived her life as one. She didn’t have an easy time growing up, but retained her female persona throughout. By the time she sought my advice, she was working in one of the most dangerous and demanding male jobs this world has to offer – single-handed deep sea fishing in the Arctic Circle for spider crab.
She was doing this to prove to herself she was as good as any man. And she had been doing it obsessively and compulsively for a great many years. But she still continued feeling she had been deprived of being a man. However, she also felt that she had been deprived of being a woman, as she obsessed so much with trying to prove to herself she as good as any man she never had any time or energy to dedicate to bearing, birthing, feeding and nurturing a child. She had contacted me as she knew that one of my ancestors was a hermaphrodite, and, wanted to know if that hermaphrodite or its child or children, had suffered as that hermaphrodite had, ultimately, made life inside her come to pass and fruition. I advised her, nope, do it, discover fulfilment while your still can. I never heard from her again, so I don’t know if she did.
But what of a woman who can’t have children, for a physical or mental reason. That physical or mental reason is the cause of that deprivation. I can relate to that. Being mentally and physically disabled I was told when I started my internship that I’d have to be twice as good as my able bodied peers to be regarded as equal to them.
It turned out that I had a AA IQ so it didn’t bother me as that made me a million times as good as them, but ability inequality needs addressing more than gender inequality needs addressing, in my view. That doesn’t mean I’m against the UN, MIT and Google addressing gender inequality. However, ability inequality than can be addressed, faster, and with greater impact. I note that the title of Goal #10 is Reduced Inequalities, which is perhaps less politically and religiously charged than the title of Goal #5: Gender Equality, so that may be why the UN, MIT and Google separated them by such a conceptual distance.
I’ll have to wait to blog Goal #10 before I figure that out, so there’s no point in me obsessing about it now. Therefore I’ll move on.
I think there are only three different gender inequalities I have come across in my coaching and counselling career that have given rise to distress, 1) official gender inequalities, 2) unofficial gender inequalities, and 3) illegal gender inequalities. The first are those that are condoned by government, in the sense that, when challenged in the courts, they are deemed legal by the courts. The second are those that are not challenged in the courts, and are therefore allowed to lie fallow. And the third are those that are challenged in courts, and are deemed illegal by the courts and are therefore curtailed.
A recent example of the first was the legal rules governing woman’s attire, the burkha particularly, in Muslim countries, where religious laws are enforced by the state. A recent example of the second was the social mores governing education and employment of women in Muslim countries, which are not enforced by the state, only condoned by it. A recent example of the third was a rape of a women in a Hindu country, which is a crime brought to the courts, and alleged perpetrators are examined by judges and juries, found guilty, and duly punished, and have the right of appeal against the conduct, findings, and sentence, of the court, to safeguard the innocent from false imprisonment.
These, in my view, are issues, which can only be dealt with by legislation, but could be made the subject of decrees by the United Nations Organisation and enforced against signatory nations of it.
On a lighter note – here’s a video – https://www.facebook.com/FatherlyHQ/videos/1035533759833099/